Adam and Mckenzie have gotten married, and my time with them is an imbalanced experience. My health is unpredictable and spending the first day in the hospital of my adult life a few days earlier, I am learning that I may not be as invincible as my teenage self imagined. Maddie looks good for the somber-sunken person she has become. Last night was the first time that she has actually seemed to be motivated or interested in the possibility of us splitting up, with a conversation that was both aggressive and emotional about her leaving. Watching the primped crowd dance and rejoice with the Mendel family is a reminder that things are not good. The strength of my emotional leg is flimsy.
Throughout the wedding process I realize that my illness has not been received well by the families. People are giving me bold stares, frequently, with a face that screamed, "Why is the best man so hungover?" or "You're a piece of shit". I think that Adam decided he had his fill of the snickering and informed people of my ash. It seemed as though a sudden shift occurred in perspectives, as the hoards came to provide a load of guilty pity. I have learned that pity begins in the lips. It seems as though a person's lips pull the cheeks downward to reveal more of their eyes.
At this point I have been convinced by my doctors that I need to have a simple laparoscopic gall bladder surgery. This first ER visit was brought on by a gall stone moving into my common bile duct. As a result, my liver and pancreas began to fail. I was jaundice, turning my eyes yellow. During my examination in the ER they discovered that my heart was also in atrial fibrillation.
It was so difficult to be in the wedding and not feel like a damn zombie. I wanted so badly to celebrate with these amazing people.
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